How to tell if your partner is planning to cheat: ‘Women are just as bad’

Having been single for a while, I’ve noticed some warning signs that someone might be trying to cheat on their partner – with me.

From swiping into my DMs with a fire emoji, to asking me to join their “boys lunch” or checking my current dating status, there are sneaky early signs.

But it wasn’t until I asked my Instagram followers to share their cheating stories that I realized just how widespread it was. And we’re not talking about the usual suspects – the creepy boss, the poor finance brother, the gambler. These are normal people like you or me.

I shared a bunch of their stories on Instagram and my DMs went wild.

Suddenly, everyone was getting a little paranoid. I had girls send me pictures of their boyfriends and ask if I knew them or if they had ever accessed my DMs.

I had super sleuths tell me the sneaky tactics they used to catch their partners red-handed. I had men share stories of how they got their wives out, and that’s when something really hit me.

Cheating doesn’t discriminate.

I know men often get a bad rap for not being able to “keep it in their pants”, but it turns out women are just as bad.

Take this story, for example.

One man wrote to say: “I found the morning after pill wrapper in our outside bin. It was from a chemist in another suburb the morning I was away on business.” brutal

Then there were the partners who turned into James Bond when they had a strong feeling that their partners were cheating.

One guy wrote in saying he thought his wife might be cheating on her boss, so he told her to go out and enjoy a breakfast to herself while he took care of their kids. What she didn’t know was that he had put an old cell phone in her car and let her record. He said: “She came back saying, ‘Thank you so much, that’s exactly what I needed’. I picked up the phone to hear her talking about his dk with her.” He also revealed that his wife is now his ex-wife.

Oof.

There was another man who found his best friend in bed with his new wife while the children were at home. He said he found out they had been doing the deed for a year and a half, so he took his daughter’s DNA test – “And let’s just say the marriage only lasted four months.”

Another man who was the unfortunate ‘other’ in a cheating scenario wrote: “Caught her husband using her old phone and her Facebook was still locked. I had messaged her on Messenger and got a call from him. I thought she was single, such a surprise.”

And then there were the “I’m not gay but…” confessions, with one lady writing in to say: “My male colleague who works with me at FIFO is hooking up with men who are married with/without kids and girlfriend every other night. . They meet on Grindr, just an open door, lights out. Some just want ab-work, others do more.” Which is surprising to some, but talk to any of your gay friends and they’ll have plenty of stories about married men who are “ready.”

And then there were the revenge stories.

One man said, “I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me, so I hired an escort. I made a bowl of popcorn for my missus before she got home from work so she could walk with us. The reward!”

As I read message after message from my followers, all with equally horrific cheating stories, I realized why there is such a long waiting list for couples therapy. Everyone runs like rabbits with horns behind their partners’ backs.

So here are some warning signs I’ve learned from this experience to identify if your partner is trying to cheat:

1. If your gut is telling you they’re cheating, they usually are. Annoyingly, our intuition is rarely wrong.

2. If they follow a lot of bikini-clad women on Instagram, there’s a good chance they send these girls emojis in their DMs, too. The amount I get from men with partners in their profile pictures is outrageous, and I’m 5 compared to the 10 they’re following too.

3. Keep an eye on your friends. So many of the cheating stories involved mutual friends of the couple, not strangers.

4. Women keep their cheating habits very secret; but brag They brag A LOT. So if your husband is cheating, his friends probably know. Ask around.

5. Phones hide a multitude of sins. If your partner suddenly gets really protective of their phone, be curious.

So a word to the wise: Remember, infidelity is a slippery slope. A lost eye can lead to a lot of trouble. Divorce is expensive and revenge is often served cold.

So tread lightly, dear miscreants. I assure you, no cheeky hay roll is worth the drama it brings.