Dear Abby: How do I tell my family they can’t bring dogs into my house?

Dear ABBY: I own a lake cabin and enjoy hosting friends and family. Although I don’t have a pet, I like animals and don’t mind if people ask to bring their dogs because the ground floor is linoleum which is easy to clean when the inevitable sand and water are tracked.

Last year, I invited my niece and her husband over for the weekend, and they showed up with their big, long-haired dog. Even though they hadn’t asked beforehand, I didn’t mind until it was time to go to bed. They brought their dog to bed with them in the upstairs guest room. I was so surprised that I didn’t know what to say.

Dogs have never climbed before, much less rolled over in bed. They either slept downstairs themselves, or their owners brought crates or let the dogs sleep in their cars. After the couple left, I had to deep clean the room to remove the dog hair, including dusting, vacuuming (it’s carpeted) and washing all the linens (comforter, comforter, throw etc.). I usually just paint the room and change the sheets in preparation for the next visitors.

Abby, this couple is coming back to the cabin, and I assume they still have the dog. Should I broach the subject, since I set a precedent during their last visit, or should I forgo the extra cleaning? My relationship with this niece is cordial but a little strained due to past family history, so what’s more important – relationships or a clean room? — MINNESOTA CABIN KNOWER

DEAR NIKORT: Both are important. You can clean a room, but you can’t repair a broken relationship that easily. That said, avoid this dilemma in the future by explaining the house rules to your niece BEFORE she and her husband and dog come back to the cabin. Ideally, it should have been done when you and your niece were discussing her second visit.

Dear ABBY: A friendship of 40 years is broken because he refuses to stand up for his wife. She has dominated him throughout the many decades of their marriage. Like any narcissist, she managed to isolate him from his family and move him to faraway places where he knew no one. Now she is terminally ill and refuses to let him move to where his family can help take care of him.

His family and I feel the same way. Like any narcissist, she turned it against me. Along the way, they’ve made terrible and troubling financial decisions. It’s too painful to watch, so I’ve withdrawn from the friendship rather than support these bad decisions. Was this the right thing to do? – FORMER FRIEND IN IOWA

DEAR FORMER FRIEND: Yes, it was the right thing to do. Because your friend’s wife still controls who can be in contact with her husband, even in her weakened state, you had no choice but to back off. After she passes, offer her support. He will need it.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.